Helped, Hugged, or Heard? A Unique Communication Tool for the Workplace
Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with a coworker or team member, only to feel like you’re both getting frustrated because the communication just isn’t landing right?
Perhaps a colleague comes to you with a problem, and before they’re finished explaining, you’re already offering solutions – yet they seem more annoyed than appreciative.
Or maybe you’re on the other side, sharing your challenges, but instead of feeling supported, you feel unheard and disconnected because the response wasn’t what you needed.
We’ve all been there, and it can be frustrating for both parties involved.
When talking with our President, Brian James (who’s known for his one-liners) one day, he asked me a simple yet profound question:
“Do you want to be helped, hugged, or heard?”
The next time someone communicates with you in the workplace and you’re not quite sure what they’re looking for in that exchange, try asking the same simple question.
It can help you avoid jumping to conclusions or offering advice when it’s not needed.
What it looks like in the workplace
Helped
Sometimes, your team member or coworker is looking for actionable advice or problem-solving. They want to know how to tackle a challenge and are looking for your expertise or solutions. Offering help in this context is valuable and appreciated.
Hugged
While we may not literally hug in the office, this represents providing emotional support. Your colleague may need to know that you’re with them, offering empathy and compassion. A supportive word or acknowledgment that they’re going through something tough can go a long way.
Heard
Sometimes, all someone needs is a listening ear. They don’t want advice or even comfort; they just want to vent or share their feelings. In these moments, the best thing you can do is listen and acknowledge without jumping to solutions.
How to implement this as a manager or coworker
If you’re the sharer
Before diving into your challenge or frustration, take a moment to reflect before entering into the conversation with your manager or co-workers—am I you looking for help, support, or just an opportunity to be heard? Clarifying this for yourself will not only help guide the conversation but also make it easier for your coworker or manager to respond in the most supportive way.
If you’re the listener
If a colleague comes to you with an issue, instead of immediately offering solutions or advice, ask them: “Are you looking for help, or would you like to just talk this through?” And look for signs that they may just need some encouragement or validation. This small step can shift the entire conversation and help both parties feel understood and less frustrated.
The benefits of using this approach
- Reduce misunderstandings: By clarifying upfront what the other person needs, you can avoid those frustrating moments where the conversation spirals into unproductive territory.
- Build stronger relationships: Coworkers and managers who feel heard and understood are more likely to trust and collaborate effectively.
- Increase productivity: Clear communication helps you get to the heart of the issue faster, so you can spend less time on frustrating conversations and more time on solving problems.
Next time a team member approaches you with an issue, take a moment to ask if they want to be helped, hugged (emotionally), or heard. Likewise, as you share challenges with your coworkers or manager, think about what you need and express it clearly.
You’ll find that this small change can make a big difference in fostering a supportive and productive workplace.
